The other morning I woke up to my son’s mewling at about 6 am. I got his milk heated up and went to his room, whereupon I was greeted with the most noxious smell ever. I pulled my t-shirt up over my nose (sexy lingerie went by the wayside a long time ago; in fact, I think I have worn a cute nightie twice~on my honeymoon).
I pick up the sweet thing and take him to change his diaper. What I encounter is the largest diaper in the world. I mean, it was huge. It was so huge that I set it aside to show it to my husband. After we got all cleaned up and changed, I took him downstairs with said whopper.
I then got out the old Weight Watchers scale, which I knew would come in handy one day, albeit not for this, and I weighed the thing: 16 ounces straight up. A POUND of excrement came from my kid! Of course I post this on Facebook, and get quite a few comments. One of which was from my cousin who wanted to know what the Tare weight of the diaper was. I love Susan. I’m an English teacher, so I had to look up “tare weight”, even though I was pretty sure of what it meant through context. The diaper, unladen, is one ounce, so Little T peed and crapped fifteen ounces in a ten hour period.
I’m impressed. I’m dumbfounded. How does a child excrete three percent of his body weight? Now, I call him Little T only because his daddy is named T. He is not a small child. He was smaller than his sister at birth, but H was a bit of an anomaly, clocking in at nine and a half pounds. He’s a big boy. But a pound of shit? Really?
The fact that you just wrote an entire blog post about a pound of shit really cracks me up!
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