A Whopper with Pee

The other morning I woke up to my son’s mewling at about 6 am.  I got his milk heated up and went to his room, whereupon I was greeted with the most noxious smell ever.  I pulled my t-shirt up over my nose (sexy lingerie went by the wayside a long time ago; in fact, I think I have worn a cute nightie twice~on my honeymoon).

I pick up the sweet thing and take him to change his diaper.  What I encounter is the largest diaper in the world.  I mean, it was huge.  It was so huge that I set it aside to show it to my husband.  After we got all cleaned up and changed, I took him downstairs with said whopper. 

I then got out the old Weight Watchers scale, which I knew would come in handy one day, albeit not for this, and I weighed the thing: 16 ounces straight up.  A POUND of excrement came from my kid! Of course I post this on Facebook, and get quite a few comments.  One of which was from my cousin who wanted to know what the Tare weight of the diaper was.  I love Susan.  I’m an English teacher, so I had to look up “tare weight”, even though I was pretty sure of what it meant through context.  The diaper, unladen, is one ounce, so Little T peed and crapped fifteen ounces in a ten hour period. 

I’m impressed.  I’m dumbfounded.  How does a child excrete three percent of his body weight?  Now, I call him Little T only because his daddy is named T.  He is not a small child.  He was smaller than his sister at birth, but H was a bit of an anomaly, clocking in at nine and a half pounds. He’s a big boy.  But a pound of shit?  Really?