Contents of a Tired Mother’s Pocketbook

Okay, so we don’t really call them pocketbooks anymore, but the allusion wouldn’t be the same without that particular word. For those of you who forgot 10th grade English, "The Contents of a Dead Mans' Pocket is a nice little read that can be found on the internet when you get done reading this.

I was cleaning out my purse today in an effort to organize my life.  One of the things that makes me feel better about myself other than a clean house, a made bed, and folded laundry is an organized purse.  Please bear in mind that the purses have become progressively bigger since BC (before children).  I used to be able to slide everything I needed into one of those hip mini-purses.  The mini-purses went away when the mini-van came into play.  Now the purse has become a catch-all.  If I died in a car wreck before a clean-out and my purse were searched, it would be a bit like an archeological dig. 

Below are the contents of a tired mother’s pocketbook in the order of which they were retrieved:

1. Wallet with quite a few receipts, no cash, and umpteen “member cards”, of which I am becoming wary
2. Empty make-up bag
3. Scrabble Slam in a worn Ziplock to practice alphabet recognition for the girl child and just a fun game whenever one is bored
4. Six used tissues (um, ewww)
5. A torn open Shout wipe with the wipe still inside
6. A dried out Tide pen
7. Lip liner without a lid (I now know where the pink marks in the lining of the purse have come from)
8. Eight ball point pens (no wonder we never have any writing utensils around the house)
9. A phone cover
10. More grocery receipts (none with alcohol as a line item; huh)
11. A dog biscuit (I have no explanation for this)
12. A very linty Carmex tin.  I cannot for the life of me figure out how the stuff gets on the outside of the tin, making it all sticky
13. A wallet Christmas photo of the kids with a bite out of it...a small, human bite
14. A long lost camera lens 
15. Baby sock (again, no explanation)
16. Snack bag of what were once pretzles
17. Mascara
18. Expired Visine
19. Post Its with various cryptic notes and numbers on them
20. Business cards
21. An empty business card holder
22. Lipstick that I have never worn
23. A gift certificate to Starbucks!!!!!!!!!  It looks NEW! I'm hedging my bets.
24. Winnie-the Pooh DVD with Sing-a-long songs
25. Lint
26. Lint
27. Diaper that the baby grew out of a while ago.  Always check the side pocket
28. Lint
29. Crumbs

Here's the crazy thing:  All of this will probably get put back into the purse.  I have no reason for this. I would like to think that I will actually put on lipstick or find a use for the outsized diaper, but I know that I am lying to myself. 

Okay, your turn.  Strangest thing that you have found in your purse.  Go.